Age-old Gender Roles! (blog)

My associate, Karen, and I attended an Entertainment Weekly Party that promoted the prospective choices for their 25 Hottest under 25. Ten minutes into it, Karen found an unnamed Disney star vomiting in the ladies room from too many jello shots.

“Jello shots?” I snarled at her. “What are we? Twenty-five?”

“And under,” Karen reminded me. “Don’t forget.”

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Famed socialite and life and styles writer, Candace Bushnell, once championed that “There are things worse than being 35, single and female in New York. Like: being 25, single and female in New York.” While most people in a ladder-climbing city like New York can probably attest to this, there may not be such a unanimous consensus in L.A. Especially if you are like me and work in the entertainment industry.

One day, I posted my facebook status to read as follows: “Why do people want to look 25 forever? Frankly, the thought of looking like someone's assistant and looking like I am stupid in relationships doesn't appeal to me. Embrace wisdom, society.”

The immediate result? Three likes from male friends and protests from two female friends. And finally, one of my female friends responded with, “because, my dear Miko, we women need to be attractive to all those older wisdom-enhanced and fingers-crossed, have-made-their-fortune males who only want young, cute, stupid-in-relationship things they can impress.”
The 25 versus 35 battle is a prominent one, but one that is made more prominent when you are in the female gender.

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I met with a good friend and gender studies professor at Stanford University, Dina Wilcox. I wanted to get her genuine, facts-aside opinion on the matter.

“I can’t put facts aside, Miko,” she tells me. “For an intelligent person, facts shape opinion.” (Sidebar: While I agree with this comment on the surface, I sorely believe that Dina is being black and white about intelligence. So don’t hate me. Hate her.) “Look at all the women who openly embraced their 30s: Audrey Hepburn, Natalie Portman, Kate Middleton. They all look ten times better at 30 than they did at 20. Now look at all the women who capitalized on their 20s: Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and so on. Your attitude shapes your physicality. And you can definitely tell the girls who valued 25 from the women who value 35.”

“I find it funny that I asked about 25 versus 35 and you mentioned only female examples,” I said to her.

“It shouldn’t be,” she responded. “But it is different for men than women –to society at least. Even in a purely superficial sense, I know it is a taste thing, but women don’t realize that they are esthetically more defined, shaped, and filled-in in the face at 35 than they are at 25. Skin quality aside, 35 is superior. If you really think about it, most public figures DO look better in their 30s. Think hard. Think Angelina Jolie or Drew Barrymore. Not to mention the attitude and confidence that informs those physical features. So logically, aside few features, yes. 35 is better in that sense. And even if you value those few features that are better in 25 so deeply, 35 is NOT that much physically different than 25 anyway. Most smart women know this.” Revelation. She is sort of right.

“So why do women value 25 over 35 in the entertainment industry?”

“Because, subconsciously, they are psychological slaves to gender roles. I wish I could be less blunt than that, but it’s true. At 25, a woman is at an ample age to be wedded and still give birth to her husband’s son. At 35, not so much. They may have to do something awful, like adopt. Sorry, tangent. But that’s the reality. I’m sure I will have a lot of girls protesting my 10 years of research because they value being cute. But you don’t publish real names, right?” Oh Dina. Why didn’t I go to Stanford?

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Back at the Entertainment Weekly Party, Karen and I overheard an unnamed Nickelodeon star have the following conversation with her pink-hair-streaked, Diesel-wearing twenty-something friend:

“I want to be 25 FOREVER!”
“Snap! Girl, I wish I was still 17!” Cue high-pitched giggles.

We had to leave immediately. After some jello shots.

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“You know,” Karen said in the car. “I guess I can’t fault the 20somethings for being foolish in that sense. I was a smart girl at 25. I had a master’s from Princeton for God’s sake. But I still feared 35. It wasn’t until I turned 31 and moved to New York for a year that I realized how wonderful my 30s are; how I still had 90% of my physical youth from my 20s and how I did in fact look like a sleeker version of my 20something self; only I was smarter and wasn’t a stupid idiot in relationships.”

“Are we having a moment of compassion for these jello-shooting office assistants, Karen?”

She laughed. “Like I said. I wasn’t stupid when I was 25. But when I was 25, I would fall in love with a boy after one or two good dates. Then my heart would be broken because we didn’t last forever. Holy CRAP am I glad that’s over with. “

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Dina approached the age battle from a physical stand-point, while Karen approached it from a standpoint of differing mindsets. As a piece of relief to all the girls in the entertainment industry fearing 35, I have concluded that the two approaches are indeed related. Moreover, as a man, let me tell you, that I do indeed prefer Kate Middleton to Miley Cyrus.


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Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Gloryhole

“That intern’s going to fuck me,” Jennifer whined between cavernous puffs of her waning cigarette. “I know it.”
“Why did you sleep with your boss’s brother? And why did you tell the intern?“ I replied.
“I get overly trusting after sex.”
“You slept with the intern?”
“That’s not the point Mickey,” Jennifer spat. “If that damned kid tells the boss I slept with his brother, I’m over! So over! Unless... Hm. Never mind. I have a solution. And it’s simple. I’ll totally just fuck the boss. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before!”

The honor to affix my friend Jennifer’s sexual practices is up for debate. She had been working as an editor for an entertainment trade magazine for a good five years and this is not the first time she has used her feminine wiles to her advantage. What is clearly not up for debate is the quotidian nature of her actions.

As it has been historically, there is noticeable disparity among the sexual practices of descending classes in any contemporary first-world society. Behind every great man, for example, is a great woman and in front of the man, positioned there so she does not see, is his mistress. Another remarkable phenomenon within differing sexual practices of our class-based subcultures is the fact that, while homosexuality is accepted and even praised, and sometimes feigned for fun, in the educated upper middle classes, the leadership classes see debacles such as that of former Senator McGreevey’s of New Jersey. All that to say, whether one believes in Eve being forced to shoot children out of her vagina as punishment or in the Neanderthal of the Pleistocene era clubbing his mate over the head to claim sexual domain, sex, at the core, has always and will always have a relationship with power. It is the dynamics of the interplay between the two faculties that have faced organic mutability.



I attended the Gloryhole Uncut party in West Hollywood with Jennifer; a celebration of the contributions of famed sex toy shop, the Pleasure Chest. It was an orgy of porn stars, adult entertainment executives, socialites, celebutants, and press. Naturally, I use the word “orgy” figuratively. Well, pseudo-figuratively in this case. Multi-AVN and multi-XBIZ award winning porn star, Bella Donna, performed aerial fabric acrobatics achieving feats we were only used to seeing her do in adjunct to another person.

“I don’t do porn anymore,” she told me. “It’s a ‘veni vedi veci’ kind of thing. It was something I loved to do that ended up becoming a means to an end. And now I am in a place where I can explore all sorts of other entertainment easily.” Veni Vedi Veci? It is true. She came, she saw, she conquered. Then she came again.

The excessive ease of the Gloryhole had me wondering. Here was an event where thousand dollar Champaign was free to its attendees; where regular cocktail drinking joe-shmo writers, such as myself, can talk to Billy Idol and Jenna Jameson about their favorite sexual position in such a cavalier manner that we could have been talking about the weather; where one uses toilet protectors in the bathroom to protect themselves, not against waste blowback, but blow blowback.

In copious ancient societies, it was perfectly normal for the peasants to practice sexual humility while those in power indulged in hedonistic lifestyles that were not representative of common moral attitudes. While a blacksmith in 1900 BCE Itjtawy could conceivably be killed for adultery, male pharaohs such Amenemhat I as well as female pharaohs such as the famed Cleopatra have been known for their multiple affairs. Ancient Roman leaders, including our Belladonna’s beloved Caesar, practically invented the orgy. It is clear that our ancestors used power for sex. Conversely in today’s society, Jenna Jameson, Sasha Grey, and Ron Jeremy are extreme circumstances exemplifying the fact that now people use sex to get power.

“Power is attainable to anyone in a meritocracy. Sure, it’s easier to get for some than others, but impossible is nothing. Moreover, unlike in ancient societies, sex is readily available everywhere you turn,” Jennifer said, as she peaked into the gloryhole installation. “Oh look, it’s April Floures masturbating with two vibrators.”

Readily available? More like pounding on your door. Simplifying today’s formula for sex and power, I have grasped the following: Sex is available to everyone. One can work to attain power they were not born with. People like sex, especially those in power. Those in power can bestow those without power with power. Hence, those without power can give sex to those in power in exchange for power. So this simple formula explains why I, to reiterate -a regular joe-shmo writer, am at the Gloryhole party. And then I realized –when did I ever sleep with anyone?
“Did you ever sleep with your boss?” I asked Jennifer.
“I gave him a handjob in his car.”


With the aftermath of the Gloryhole hanging over my aura, I supported my friend Tom’s gallery opening downtown, as he was visiting from New York. His subject matter is depictions of intercourse, close-up, in very particular lights.

“Some say,” he said. “That the man stabs the woman. But I think that the woman devours the man. That’s what I wanted to show with my paintings.”
“Have you ever used sex to feel powerful?” I asked him.
“I think men just feel powerful during sex in general. I never did. Hence the paintings. Women in my life understood full well that sexuality can make people feel powerful, at the very least even in terms of dress or attitude. They used that more overtly than using sex as a tool to feel powerful. Consequently, I think only very few of them were evolved enough to not suffer emotional repercussions afterwards or conversely, to use sexuality as a tool because of an emotionally distraught past.”

Since everyone can have sex, and everyone in the progressive meritocratic first world is free to do so, everyone can live like a ruler of the ancient past. But let’s not forget the one unifying quality these disparate hedonistic ruling cultures had in common: they all fell from grace. Hard. Fact is, we have evolved to be a tribal society. We may not physically need the aid of others anymore, but given the nature of our evolution, it is not easy to shed the psychological need of company –part of the reason why those in the first world continue to procreate regardless of overpopulation. As such, there will in general, be ultimate emotional repercussions in using sex for power. Whether the detriments outweigh the benefits is an individual issue, naturally. Furthermore, there are two, and only two, solutions to the problem: Either we put a moral boundary against the interplay, or we simply evolve. 

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Living in the toolbox

I hate that I live so close to a Starbucks. Moving back to Chicago, I had signed an urban declaration to support only small, independent, or local coffee shops as there would be ample opportunity to do so. Afterall, I am not particular either way with the taste of their house blend.

I am not anti-Starbucks, by any stretch of the imagination. If one truly genuinely loves the taste of Starbucks coffee over any other coffee, I don't judge that they go there. I just wish that people would be more mindful of not choosing it because of brand awareness or convenience. (Which is what I have been doing on the way to work in the mornings!)

A free-market really does incite innovativeness; A NON-laissez faire capitalist society that socialises the fundamental services needed for individual independence, is the fairest implementation of an true American free market. (yes, socialising certain things can be VERY American. The Declaration of Independence did say "life [healthcare], liberty [education], and the pursuit of happiness" ). I didn't mean to digress and ramble, I just want to make sure you are clear that I am not a communist. In fact, I enjoyed The Fountainhead.

Anyway, I just mean to say that while I believe in implementing a free-market that advocates each person's individuality, I only wish there was some way to implement individuality in consumerism. But there isn't, otherwise it wouldn't be "individual." Paradox, much?

Happy blogging

General George Patton once said, "Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom."

Leaving New York City soon. I've decided to go back to Chicago. I <3 NY forever.

The East and Such

I have no idea why I'm leaving New York. But I will miss many things...

On Connecticut:

-Did you know that Harriet Beecher Stowe and Mark Twain were neighbors?
-Episcopalians.
-People in America DO play croquet. And they all live in Connecticut.
-Key places: Greenwich, West Hartford, Essex, and Litchfield


On Westchester, Nassau, and Suffolk Counties:

-Yes, there are people who live in the Hamptons full time
-Hipsters come here, but just don't want to admit it. They say they are just stopping by on their way to the Bronx.
-Key Places: Brookville, East Hampton, Tarrytown


And finally, On New York City

-Though I love Pilsen-- SoHo, Brooklyn, and the Lower East Side make Pilsen look like Wicker Park. Downside? Greenwich Village smells like Diarrhea in August.
-Food
-In LA, Britney Spears is an artist. In NYC, Wallace Shawn is an artist.
-Key Places: everywhere

Art, the Artist: It's not just for you, sorry!

I am making a series of comic strips for PBS to promote literacy, specifically in urban areas with great disparity. The coordinator offered to continue to pay me to make the comics even after my internship, if there is funding. I responded with an enthusiastic, "If there isn't any funding, I'll do it as a volunteer."

Truth is, at the end of the day, artists are not just thinkers, but activists. Try as one might, the artist is not the proverbial Athenian philosopher sitting on a rock for eternity. If your art is out there, you are making a difference.

Moreover, no matter how personal or self indulgent or even narcissistic you think your art is, the self centered nature of the piece is instantly evolved into "self AND community" or "self IN community" the moment you show it at a gallery, or get published and distributed, or perform, or even the second you post art onto your public art site. Because society is the muse of the artist, beauty is retroactive to pragmaticism. Parallax. Would Thomas Mann would eat me alive? I honestly don't think so.

So I started thinking about pragmaticism and the bureaucracy regarding creativity in society. It's at art schools, museums, even in the smallest galleries.

Specifically, regarding MY goals as an artist, socio-economic disparity can be assuaged by art and literature and literacy and creativity. No one, including bureaucrats, denies this. Then why is it creative charter schools that are closing the gaps in Hartford are being shut down? Why is there such a stir when Obama wants to pass anything involving art commission on a federal level? It's because we need more creatives going head first into the policy aspect of art in a functioning society. Artists need to work with the bureacrats to be heard. Notice I say "work with" and not "get passed"?

This is part of the reason I want to get into the bureaucracy of art and education. Making art for advocacy and activism is completely necessary because it promotes awareness. But I think we need more creatives in the law/policy aspect of things to mediate between bureaucrats and artists/activists. Someone who speaks both languages. I mean, imagine what this would do for anti-censorship in art? Imagine what this would do for creative programs in education administration? Imagine what this would do for commissions? And on a more individualistic level, imagine what knowledge in the administrative and political aspect of your cause would do for your art? Your pieces would be so much more meaningful. Afterall, Chaucer was a diplomat and John Butler Yeats was a lawyer.

And no time is better than NOW. A weak market calls for bold action. Calls for creativity.

Note that I am not saying that this is the responsibility of all artists. Everyone plays their part. Regardless of your part, keep in mind that beauty does not have to be destroyed by pragmaticism and pragmaticism does not have to be rendered useless with beauty. Instead let them exist side by side, as a paradox.

With that in mind, I have told some friends about some crazy new ways I may possibly want to take my career as an artist to the next level in the distant (distant, distant) future. Well, I don't think it's that crazy, but most of my friends seem to, which I think is a testament to how other people's crazy pales in comparison to mine.

For now, I am focusing on getting into grad school and these comic strips promoting literacy in urban areas. Because, remember, they DO make a difference

Hamptons and the coast

I really do prefer the East-coast coasts to the West-coast coasts. Perhaps it is because I grew up with Santa Monica Beach almost literally in my backyard and it is nothing new to me? Santa Monica Beach has the golden sands, palm trees, and the general bonhomie, but the Hamptons have the white sand, the greenery, and the assurance that the lifeguard was not hired because of how big her boobs are.




Everyone knows that I am a bonafide city boy. Yet, as I had recently told my friend Jenny, even I like to escape to the country for a little at a time in the summer. Emily Dickinson once wrote in a letter to I forget who, "how strange that nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude" or something like that. I wonder why that is the case? Truth be told, I have been escaping to New York City almost every afternoon, even just to sit and study at a coffee shop, as of late. I do, however, like the New England foliage.

Notes from Top-sider country.

I went into Hartford, the city, today. To say the least, Connecticut is best experienced through the rustic little New England towns and the natural terrain. I think Connecticut "cities" were created just so the many rich people here would no longer have to commute all the 50 minutes to New York City for work. While in Hartford, I must have thought to myself every 5 minutes, "Oh! What is that beautiful historic looking building? Perhaps a museum? Perhaps a former home of a founding father? Oh. An insurance building... Oh! What is that beautiful palatial building? A church? A synagogue? Oh. An insurance building."

This patriotic looking homage to democracy, for example, is the Hartford Fire Insurance Company. Nothing more. Regardless, the countryside here is nice and the towns are storybook quaint. Everyone wears top-siders and ties their sweaters around their shoulders. Naturally, this troubled me as I am never one to fit in.

So, are there really places that are "right" for individual people? I know that in general, there are those who are more "city", "suburb" or "country" types. But isn't it possible to, as the saying goes, "love the one you're with if you can't be with the one you love"? With my work, I like to perpetuate a parallax with art. I find this easier to do in the city. I suppose, however, that it is possible to do anywhere else, as long as I take the time to take in the dynamics of the society.
---Afterall, Shakespeare wrote, as Touchstone, "those that are good manners at the court are as ridiculous in the country as the manners of the country is mockable at court” (not exact words, As You Like It). Contradictions in the world do not cancel each other out, but instead exist side by side as paradox. But ofcourse, I cannot let the general public know this, as it obviates my parallax-driven art. =) So ask yourselves this: Do you like where you are? If not, couldn't you? And if so, why?

Sanity is overrated.

God has accommodated His will to my desires substantially these four years. As my Chicago days come to a close, I can't deny that I have met some of the best people I will ever meet here.





Let me ask all of you who are in transition to remember each and every crazy person you've ever met. Keep in mind that to remember is not to continue to know. After all, Oscar Wilde said, "I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones." But as for the old friends that continue to be present ones, remember Proverbs 18:24 "Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers."

diffidence in habitation assurance

I'm back home. No, not really. Everytime I go back to L.A. I say, "I'm going back home" when in reality, it doesn't really truly feel like home there.
Here is a publicity shot for the Maxim party in West Hollywood. It wasn't intellectual, but it was fun.


I circled me in blue and circled the ones commonly mistaken for me in red. I must go bathe in wine.

Comic Gallery

So two things: I went to the This American Life event and saw Ira who said that Chris Ware now has a baby and has a song in his heart. Weird.

Second, I went to Chris Ware's gallery opening with Katrina. Moreover, I got to talk to one of my favorite artists, this guy:

Ware was there too, but the contact I made with him was slim, as I did not want to be blinded by his crazy talent. It was an intellectually stimulating night; Katrina made it that much better!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=WbVeN13wGFc

Monster Tenant

I went to Jeremy's gallery opening in the near West side at Rotofugi. I think I'm really starting to look up to Jeremy and his work. Anyway, I went with Hannah and Jenny who took us to FLO because Wicker Park is her turf.

Here we are at Anano awhile back. She's wonderful!

Events

Hannah had her gallery opening recently! So congrats to her. She is a wonderful artist and person. The other most exciting thing that happened since I last posted was the "This American Life" event. It was a lot of fun and Ira was there.


Also, "Where Astronauts Go To Hide"- Josh's CD came out and the release party was cool. Congrats to him as well. Time for a Guiness.

Random Update Attack Punch!

Hannah and I went to the near South side for Gabe Lanza's gallery opening.

Everyone was there, including affable and gregarious.

Call me conservative, but I still get a little nervous when someone pulls out cocaine.

Tonight, Emily and I went to Second City to see "Between Barack and a New Show" which was hilarious.

Good night, luv.