“Jello shots?” I snarled at her. “What are we? Twenty-five?”
“And under,” Karen reminded me. “Don’t forget.”
========
Famed socialite and life and styles writer, Candace Bushnell, once championed that “There are things worse than being 35, single and female in New York. Like: being 25, single and female in New York.” While most people in a ladder-climbing city like New York can probably attest to this, there may not be such a unanimous consensus in L.A. Especially if you are like me and work in the entertainment industry.
One day, I posted my facebook status to read as follows: “Why do people want to look 25 forever? Frankly, the thought of looking like someone's assistant and looking like I am stupid in relationships doesn't appeal to me. Embrace wisdom, society.”
The immediate result? Three likes from male friends and protests from two female friends. And finally, one of my female friends responded with, “because, my dear Miko, we women need to be attractive to all those older wisdom-enhanced and fingers-crossed, have-made-their-fortune males who only want young, cute, stupid-in-relationship things they can impress.”
The 25 versus 35 battle is a prominent one, but one that is made more prominent when you are in the female gender.
========
I met with a good friend and gender studies professor at Stanford University, Dina Wilcox. I wanted to get her genuine, facts-aside opinion on the matter.
“I can’t put facts aside, Miko,” she tells me. “For an intelligent person, facts shape opinion.” (Sidebar: While I agree with this comment on the surface, I sorely believe that Dina is being black and white about intelligence. So don’t hate me. Hate her.) “Look at all the women who openly embraced their 30s: Audrey Hepburn, Natalie Portman, Kate Middleton. They all look ten times better at 30 than they did at 20. Now look at all the women who capitalized on their 20s: Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and so on. Your attitude shapes your physicality. And you can definitely tell the girls who valued 25 from the women who value 35.”
“I find it funny that I asked about 25 versus 35 and you mentioned only female examples,” I said to her.
“It shouldn’t be,” she responded. “But it is different for men than women –to society at least. Even in a purely superficial sense, I know it is a taste thing, but women don’t realize that they are esthetically more defined, shaped, and filled-in in the face at 35 than they are at 25. Skin quality aside, 35 is superior. If you really think about it, most public figures DO look better in their 30s. Think hard. Think Angelina Jolie or Drew Barrymore. Not to mention the attitude and confidence that informs those physical features. So logically, aside few features, yes. 35 is better in that sense. And even if you value those few features that are better in 25 so deeply, 35 is NOT that much physically different than 25 anyway. Most smart women know this.” Revelation. She is sort of right.
“So why do women value 25 over 35 in the entertainment industry?”
“Because, subconsciously, they are psychological slaves to gender roles. I wish I could be less blunt than that, but it’s true. At 25, a woman is at an ample age to be wedded and still give birth to her husband’s son. At 35, not so much. They may have to do something awful, like adopt. Sorry, tangent. But that’s the reality. I’m sure I will have a lot of girls protesting my 10 years of research because they value being cute. But you don’t publish real names, right?” Oh Dina. Why didn’t I go to Stanford?
==========
Back at the Entertainment Weekly Party, Karen and I overheard an unnamed Nickelodeon star have the following conversation with her pink-hair-streaked, Diesel-wearing twenty-something friend:
“I want to be 25 FOREVER!”
“Snap! Girl, I wish I was still 17!” Cue high-pitched giggles.
We had to leave immediately. After some jello shots.
===============
“You know,” Karen said in the car. “I guess I can’t fault the 20somethings for being foolish in that sense. I was a smart girl at 25. I had a master’s from Princeton for God’s sake. But I still feared 35. It wasn’t until I turned 31 and moved to New York for a year that I realized how wonderful my 30s are; how I still had 90% of my physical youth from my 20s and how I did in fact look like a sleeker version of my 20something self; only I was smarter and wasn’t a stupid idiot in relationships.”
“Are we having a moment of compassion for these jello-shooting office assistants, Karen?”
She laughed. “Like I said. I wasn’t stupid when I was 25. But when I was 25, I would fall in love with a boy after one or two good dates. Then my heart would be broken because we didn’t last forever. Holy CRAP am I glad that’s over with. “
==============
Dina approached the age battle from a physical stand-point, while Karen approached it from a standpoint of differing mindsets. As a piece of relief to all the girls in the entertainment industry fearing 35, I have concluded that the two approaches are indeed related. Moreover, as a man, let me tell you, that I do indeed prefer Kate Middleton to Miley Cyrus.
=======
